#ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear

I know this blog has been inactive for awhile now. I had hoped that somehow I would find a way to blog about more positive things, but right now my life isn't in a positive place so I don't know how I thought I'd be able to accomplish that.

With that being said, yesterday on Twitter my friend Lyndsey over at Clear Complexity (LOVE her!) tweeted something with the hashtag #ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear and it really got me thinking about all of the struggles I've faced, and still continue to face, as a former teen mother and current young mother. Even though I'm 24 years old, I look about 17 on a good day, so the stares, comments, and questions still continue to roll around from time to time.

I was 16 when I got pregnant with Dev. His biological father (who isn't in the picture whatsoever, and never really has been...but that is a whole different blog entry) talked me into keeping him. I was considering adoption and when I brought that up to him he flipped out on me. Called me every name in the book and told me that our child would have a horrible life just like he did. When he was 3 or 4 he was adopted by a family and was physically abused by his adoptive father. Shortly after that I decided that I would keep the baby. He and I were only together for four months of my pregnancy (and only 5 months before that) before he cheated on me and ran off, only to be heard from a few more times during my pregnancy before he fell into heroin addiction.

During my pregnancy, everywhere my mother and I went people would always stare or say rude things to us. "How could you let that happen to your daughter?" they would ask my mother or "Why didn't you just get an abortion? You're going to ruin your life!" they would say to me. There was one old lady that worked at the Kmart in our small town who would ALWAYS say rude things to me and my mother when we were in there. We always somehow ended up in her checkout line. A couple of times I cried on the short ride home because of how rude she always was to me. I think my mother ended up complaining about her because she wasn't around after I gave birth to Dev, two months exactly after my 17th birthday.

People acted as if I had planned it. Who actually WANTS to be a teen mother? Crazy girls, that's who. I gave up my teenage years and irresponsibility for breastfeeding and diaper changes. I can count on my fingers how many times I've been away from my children in the almost 7 years I've been a mother. What teenager wants that life? While all my friends were going to prom and getting wasted at grad parties, I was at home taking care of a baby.

I didn't have much help when it came to the actual care of Dev. I lived with my mother and her boyfriend who paid for EVERYTHING until I got a job the summer after he was born. But the diaper changes, late night feeding, baths, etc were all on me. I think I might have asked for help from my mother or sister a couple of times out of pure exhaustion. I knew it wasn't anyone's job to take care of my child except for mine. I dropped out of school, because I had nobody to watch Dev for me and no way to pay them for doing so. I couldn't expect my mother to quit her more-than-full-time job to take care of MY baby. It was rough, but I survived. Dev was born November 15th, 2004 and by May 2006 I had a full time job and my own apartment. Oh, and a boyfriend. And WHOOPS! Somehow I managed to get pregnant with my second child two months later. By the time I was 20 I had two little boys.

It definitely has been a struggle for me and I'm sure a struggle for my mom to see me struggle so much, but I did it. I'm still doing it. But I think about how different my life would be without my kids...Where would I be now? What kind of person would I be? Would I even be alive? I can't see my life being anywhere good without my kids, based upon who I was friends with and dating at the time I got pregnant with Dev.

Because of my children, I attended an online school and graduated with a 3.4 GPA. Better late than never, right? Because of my children, I am still alive, after all of the tragedy I've seen this past year. If it weren't for them, I'd have no reasons to get up every morning, to keep on keeping on. They are my EVERYTHING. When all is said and done, in the end, our children will always be there. No friend or significant other can be 100% sure of that. Your kids will love you even when you don't deserve it. I know that they've loved me on my worst days. They love me on my best days. They love me even when I am being a Stinky McJerkface. And they're all mine.

While there are moms out there who have their babies in their 30s and 40s, who will be pushing strollers and changing diapers and being exhausted...I will be 35 years old when Devon graduates high school. I might very well be a grandmother before I'm 40. But that's okay, because while I don't promote teenage pregnancy, I am glad I got all of the diaper changes and 3AM feedings out of the way while I was a youngin'. I don't know that I'll have the energy when I'm 35 to start all over again. I always tell myself that if I don't have any more kids by the time I'm 35, I won't have any more kids at all. Being a young mom means that I'll be a young grandmother, and I'll have more energy to hang out with the grandkids and I'll be around for a long, long time for them. In no way am I saying that older parents or grandparents don't have the energy for things like that. I know a lot of people in their 60s who have more energy than I do, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Its a difficult path to be on, being a teen mom or a young mom, but its still an amazingly rewarding one. We're not all on welfare, and we're not all party animals or sluts or druggies like the girls who give the rest of us a bad name. We love and take care of our kids just as much as "normal" aged mothers do. We're still intelligent and productive members of society. We grow up with our kids, and I feel like we learn more life lessons that way. The young moms I know are some of the wisest people in my life. Don't judge us before you get to know us. You're missing out on some pretty amazing women and children by doing so.